Then What?

28 Mar Then What?

why do I feel so empty? bored. unfulfilled.
like something’s missing. like I want something more.
like there’s this giant bottomless infinite hole inside me.

so I try to fill it with all kinds of junk to make it go away
but these don’t work.
they give me a quick high, but it doesn’t last, leaving me frustrated and wanting more
so I think maybe it’s me. maybe I’m the problem.

I need to be bigger. better. smarter. better-looking.
I build myself up on the outside into a person that I don’t even know, don’t even like
and on the inside, I beat myself down.

then I think maybe if I get myself together and have the perfect body. perfect mind. perfect face. maybe that will fill the hole.

then I work and I work and I work.
but these things never turn out how I want them to,
now I have to deal with dead dreams and feeling like a failure.

what if they do work out and I make it to the top and I get all the things I want,
all the things that I thought would make me happy,
all the things that make me forget the way I am.

when I get there, when i’ve done all I want; I say
now what?

some of us will say ‘get through school.’ ‘get a job, raise a family, make lots of money’.
that’s the purpose.
but aren’t all these things a part of the purpose? surely they can’t be the purpose
because first of all, what if these things don’t work out for me?
then what?

and second, what if all these things do work out for me?
then what?

Tirbhwan Singh – Year 11

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